Dreaming

I have been doing a lot of dreaming lately. It is not just the dreaming that you do when you are asleep at night, I also dream when it is quiet in the house and I only have this little guy for company.

Being a mother of five children, four with special needs, is very challenging for me. So I dream about what my life would be like if they were different, or if they were a little older. What if always crosses my mind. What would my life be like if if I was a little less anxious? How would I handle my household if my kids were more normal? I am a dreamer and a worrier. That is probably why I don’t sleep very well at night.

Just last week I had an appointment at the Pioneer Center for Human Services in McHenry, Illinois for a mental health intake for Goose, Kitty and Monkey. I had never been to McHenry and the thought of driving on unknown roads makes me anxious. I was also concerned about the appointment itself. When my anxiety becomes difficult for me to handle I pray. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going.

The highway on the way to McHenry from where I live in Crystal Lake is under construction. As soon as traffic slowed down due to the construction I started to become anxious again. But then I looked to the left side of the road and saw a majestic bird. I believe that God sent that bird as a sign to let me know that everything would be alright.

Everything did turn out alright except that later I found out that I did not have to pull my younger kids out of school to take them along for the appointment. All I did was fill out paper work. The kids do not have a mental health assessment until next month. I only have to bring Goose to that appointment. Every time Kitty pulls her hair out or Monkey physically hurts another kid or puts himself in danger I lose more sleep. I don’t know how much longer I can wait for them to get the help that they need. In the meantime I will continue to pray and dream.

What do you dream about?